Wednesday, November 9, 2016

The Dry Dump

Have you ever tried to wash a toilet without water? Oh wait, you can't! Ever since the water pipes busted I have been scrambling for all the wet wipes I could find in the jumbled janitor closet, having little luck. I scrubbed and spit and scrubbed and spit on the on the windows of the first floor, trying to busy myself with work until I awakened from this arid nightmare.
Jumping at the startling slam of the door behind me, I whipped around to see Ms. pretty ditty Gaia Lux strutting down the hallway. I went up and tapped on her shoulder and got a "HUWHA!" in response.
"Oh sorry, I was just wondering why you slammed your door so hard, you could have broke it." I said.
Ms. Lux responded with a few snide remarks and complained about the water but before I could develop a coherent sentence in response, she had stomped off. Flustered, I thought to myself how funny it was that one time I had pretended that Ms. Lux's toilet had been clogged for 6 days just so I could sneak those delicious little cookies she stores in a jar in her kitchen. After reminiscing about the succulent ooey gooey chocolate chip circles of joy, I went back to work.

An hour had passed and I had just finished all the windows on the first floor when Ms. Lux came a striding around the corner. Her pretty make-up caked face was in a slight frown but her expression oddly softened when she laid eyes on me.
"Hey Jac-"
"The water is back on," interrupting her and not looking up from my cart.
"Thanks a lot Jackie, hey I'm sorry about how like not like nice I was earlier, how are you doing? Any boyfriend you're not telling me about?"
Considering we hadn't had a conversation that was hardly more than a sentence in months, I was a little taken aback by the notion that Gaia would ask something like that but not wanting to make her feel bad I hesitantly replied,
"No. Not really. I don't like to go out on the town like some of us."
"Oh come on!" Gaia said.
"There's gotta be some cute plumber boy or something that can help clean YOUR pipes."
Appalled I responded with a resilient, "NO! There is no pipes to be cleaned. Thank you very much."
"Whatever you say," Gaia said with a flamboyant attitude.
"I guess janitors just aren't really in the game."
"I can be in the game if I want to!" I barked back, frustrated.
"In fact, a guy just asked me out the other day. Carter James from Southern Living Magazine."
Gaia looked amused.
"Ooooh Jackie, you go girl! Well you know what, I got to go but you'll never get to see what's out there if you hide behind this cart all day. You should go on a date, and who knows maybe one day you can be Jackie James instead of Jackie...Wackerman." she said with a sniffle.
Before I could utter a word in protest she had slammed her door and left me out in the hall, leaving me with a my head buzzing and stomach yearning for some ooey gooey cookies.